The Babysitting Conspiracy
by pearlydewdrop
Summary: Who better to look after a four year old William when Mulder and Scully go out for dinner than The Lone Gunmen.
1. Separation Anxiety

The Babysitting Conspiracy pearlydewdrop

Summary:

Who better to look after four year old William when Mulder and Scully go out for dinner than The Lone Gunmen.

Notes:

A/N: Yes, I know that The Gunmen were dead by the time William was this age but I really couldn't resist writing this.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

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The Babysitting Conspiracy.

"Do you really think that the boys will be able to manage William?", Scully asked turning from the mirror on their dressing table to face Mulder. It was the first night in quite a long time that they had considered going anywhere outside of work without their son. For years it had just been the two of them, working together and protecting each other but ever since William was born, the little boy had transformed their lives, becoming the third leg of the stool, a member of their team of three.

"Don't worry, Scully". Mulder said, sitting fully dressed in a nicer than usual shirt and a dark pair of jeans on the edge of the bed, waiting for his partner to finish getting ready. He watched as she squirmed, trying to get pull the zip on her dress upwards, he watched for a while, amused before coming up behind her to help with the issue. Mulder zipped up the dress the rest of the way, placing a peck at the back of Scully's neck when the task was complete.

"Not now, Mulder", she said sternly, wriggling her neck out from under Mulder's lips and turning in his embrace to face him. "I'm being serious here. I'm worried about leaving William with The Gunmen".

Usually if they were ever going somewhere that they couldn't take William they would have left him with Scully's mother or with John and Monica. But this weekend Maggie had gone to visit Charlie and his family in Florida and John and Monica were meeting Mulder and Scully for dinner, having left their now almost three year old son, Lee Doggett with Monica's parents who were visiting from Mexico City and wanted some time with their grandson.

At the end of the day it was either The Gunmen or Scully's older brother Bill and his wife Tara. Mulder had point blank refused to leave William with Bill and Tara due to his own differences with the man not to mention Mulder long winded rant on how spending too much time with the eldest of Scully's siblings would leave William with a lasting effect on his personality. Scully had reluctantly agreed.

Scully sighed, pulling out of her partner's embrace and leading him back towards their bed.

Mulder pouted slightly before sitting back on the mattress."The guys love Will and he loves them. They'll be fine".

Scully sighed, she knew that part was true. The Lone Gunmen really did care about William. They went as far as checking his nursery every week when he was younger for bugs or any other possible types of high-tech surveillance devices.

William on the other hand went as far as to call the three men his uncles. In the last four years The Gunmen had gone from being super eccentric and paranoid conspiracy theorists to being part time Uncle Hicky, Uncle Langy and Uncle Byers to Mulder and Scully's son.

"I know that but it doesn't mean that I have no reason to be worried. The Gunmen aren't the most responsible people in the universe when it comes to other people or themselves, now image a kid thrown into the mix. I still think I should have got Tara to look after William".

Mulder sighed, squeezing Scully's hand. "Don't worry you already have more food prepared then William would be likely to eat in a week so there's no chance of him getting poisoned by Frohike's cooking. There's spare batteries under the sink in case any of his toys go dead and I changed him into his PJs before helping him with his bath", he chuckled slightly before adding. "And I made sure that they left any adult movies that they might bring over at home".

Scully rolled her eyes slightly, feigning indifference even though Mulder knew her well enough to see she was visibly relaxing at his words. "That makes me feel loads better. William's got food, toys, The Gunmen and a mother who knows her four year old son isn't watching porn with his father's friends", Scully said sarcastically.

Mulder wrapped his arm around her, with a slight chuckle. "He'll be okay. I know you're worried but with genes like his, our boy will do just fine with The Gunmen".

Scully smiled despite herself. "Thanks, Mulder", she reached up, giving him a quick peck on the lips. Mulder quickly wrapped his arms around her tightly. "Not so fast, partner",he mumbled before pulling her towards him once again, their lips meeting more passionately this time in perfect synchronisation. Scully involuntarily found herself moaning into his mouth as her free hand came up to tangle in her partner's short but thick brown hair.

Mulder smiled goofily. "Enjoying yourself , Scully", he asked, their lips still brushing each others.

"Shut up and kiss me , Mulder", she told him. He grinned deviously. "Anytime, Scully", he was just about to lean downward to capture her lips once again before a small voice piped up from the doorway.

"Mummy! Daddy! When are Uncle Hicky, Langy and Byers coming over".

The brown haired little boy stood by the door, tall for his age and dressed in bright blue Star Wars pyjamas with his favourite plush toy tucked protectively under his arm, Ronnie the Reticulan, a toy William had had since his first birthday. His hair was an adorable mess atop his head due to the fact his father had towel dried it earlier.

Scully quickly straightened Mulder's shirt and flattened her own hair as their son approached them, plopping down between his parents on the bed.

"The Gunmen will be here soon, William", Scully told him before reaching across to straighten William's floppy hair. The boy was currently going thorough a faze where he would let anyone cut his hair no matter how much she tried to convince him otherwise. "You need a hair cut, baby boy", she told him affectionately.

William shook his head vigorously. "No way, Mummy. No scissors! I don't trust them!"./p Scully threw Mulder the look that bluntly stated to him. 'He's definitely your son'.

Mulder chuckled, ruffling their son's hair. "He's got your stubbornness, Scully", he told her seemingly convinced as a response to her unspoken statement.

Scully scoffed, "You're the headstrong one, Mulder".

Mulder looked between her and William wondering for the millionth time how he got so lucky.

"I guess we know why he has it by the bucket then".

William looked between his father and mother, confused. "What's stubness", he asked struggling slightly with the new word.

"Stubbornness", Scully corrected gently at the bewildered looking child. "It means that you should do what your daddy and I tell you, okay, Will".

William nodded again before scrambling into his father's lap. Mulder looked down at him, amused. "You comfortable there, Will?", he asked.

The boy nodded once again, squirming on his side to face his father. William studied Mulder's face for a second before giggling. "Daddy, why are you wearing Mummy's lipstick?". He reached up with his pyjamas sleeve, rubbing the makeup off of his father's face.

Mulder looked down at William confused for a second before it dawned on him when he noticed Scully's slightly smudged lipstick. He wiggled his eyebrows at the little boy making him giggle once again, "You think it's a good colour for me?".

William chuckled, sliding off of Mulder's lap and reaching towards his mother but not before turning to his father once again with a parting comment. "You're silly, daddy".

Scully laughed, lifting William on to her knee. He wrapped his arms around her neck and rested his head against her, still looking from one of his parents to the other , wearing the same amused expression.

"He is silly, isn't he William?", Scully asked with a smile. The little boy nodded once again, so violently that his whole body shook in agreement. "Very silly".

Mulder looked between the two of them, feigning outrage. "Are you guys ganging up on me?". They laughed, William's little head now swinging from side to side with glee.

Mulder gently poked William on the nose as Scully started bouncing the giggling little boy on her knee. William had started chanting happily to the rhythm of his movements upwards and downwards. "Silly Daddy! Silly Daddy! Silly Daddy!".

Mulder once again faked offence at his son's antics. "I thought we Mulder men had to stick together, Will".

William smiled toothily up at his father, his bright blue eyes shining with mischief. Not for the first time Mulder found himself studying William's facial features. Even now as a small child he resembled Scully and Mulder so much. He was the perfect mixture of the two of them and in moments like these when Mulder was being accused of being 'silly' by his not yet four year old son that it became clear to Mulder just how alike his two favourite people in the world are.

Scully smiled, watching her boys. Her soul mate and her miracle. No matter how much they had been through in the last thirteen year it was all worth it because every decision that was made, every road taken had lead here and she wouldn't want to be anywhere else. Here with them was the only place she could ever imagine herself now, a place she never expected to find herself when she first walked into that basement office in the early nineties.

"We love you really, Mulder. Don't we William?".

William nodded, giggling again and hugging Ronnie the Reticulan tighter against his chest. "Course we loves daddy".

Mulder smiled as he watched the two people who meant the whole world to him. Maybe after everything was said and done the truth wasn't to be found on some unseen plain, or in some obscure government conspiracy or allusive extra-terrestrial who's existence was continously being covered up by a bunch of sixty something year old smokers, maybe the truth was always in them. Maybe it was always in family and always in love, because there is no truer truth than love and in the peace that come with living in peace with your family.

Their lives would never be perfect but in having each other they would find some way to be happy even though that meant facing The trials and tribulations that were most certainly in the future.

After almost half a lifetime of searching for the truth Mulder had found it, in Scully and in William.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

After thirty minutes or so The Lone Gunmen promptly entered the living room after having being let into the house by Mulder. The three men came inside carrying a handful of Star Wars DVDS and a boxset of Star Trek episodes, insisting that William had to "acquire a good taste to grow up right".

William ran to greet his three uncles. Byers reached down to give him a quick hug while Frohike was already having trouble lifting up the little boy but did so anyway. "Hey Kid", he said gruffly, "I bet you're gonna have passed out your mom by the time you're ten years old". William laughed, hugging his uncle around the neck.

"Don't go giving him ideas", Scully yelled from the kitchen, her voice and Mulder's chuckling in responce echoing out into the hall. Byers headed towards the kitchen to talk to Mulder and Scully.

"I guess it's the Mulder genes", Langly said before smirking, "Mulder could have practically spit the kid out". The long haired man ruffled William's hair and raised his clenched fist to the small boy who promptly bumped it with his own.

William looked up at the last remaining Gunman, confused. "What's genes, Uncle Hicky".

Frohike stretched downwards to be at eyelevel with the curious three and a half year old, thinking how to best phrase his answer without his head being eaten off by Scully once she had found out that her son had been told something he was still far too young to know.

"It's what your Mom and Dad gave you when they made you", Frohike answered carefully, tasting the words as they left his mouth. 'That's surely safe enough', he thought triumphantly.

William's eyes widened comically. "Mummy and Daddy made me, how they do that?".

'Shit', Frohike thought to himself. 'This kid bloody well picks up on everything', he thought to himself'. How the hell was he going to get out of this one.

"That's right, kid but that's not a question for now. You've got to wait until hair starts growing on a certain body part in your pants".

William still looked confused, his head tilted all the way sideways. "You mean my legs, Uncle Hicky".

Frohike decided then that it was best to keep his mouth shut and go with the three year old's logic on what was in his pants. "That's right, kid. God, you'd give your parents a run for their money with the amount of questions you come up with", Frohike commented with a smile.

The little boy giggled before it dawned upon him to tell his uncle what he had witnessed earlier. A mischievous smile spread out on William's face, his eyes alight.

"Guess what, Uncle Hicky? Daddy was wearing Mummy's lipstick today", he told Frohike, excitement etched in his features as he started to bound up and down in Frohike's arms at which point the man dropped him back on the floor.

"Really, kid", Frohike asked, amused. Of course the boy had caught his parents getting it on. "We better not let your Dad get all girly on us, wearing lipstick and all".

William nodded his head in agreement.

"Wanna go tease him about it".

"Let's go, Uncle Hicky", William cheered, following his uncle into the kitchen to his parents and the other Gunmen.

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Notes:

Pretty please with sunflower-seeds on top leave a review :)

There might be a second chapter if anyone's interested.


	2. Getting High

**The Babysitting Conspiracy**

 **Chapter 2**

On hearing that The Gunmen had brought over some tapes with Star Trek on it, William had promptly decided that there was no way that he was sitting down to watch the adventures of Spock and Captain Kirk without proudly wearing the enterprise costume that his uncle Charlie had bought him for him for Christmas only a few months before. The Gunmen quickly relented after some minor protestations to William's changing after the small boy had looked up at the three of them in a very Scully-like way, foot tapping and eyebrows raised.

William grinned widely at his three uncles, looking around the living room in excitement as the end credits rolled on their second episode of Star Trek for the evening.

Byers moved William (who was seated on his knee) on to the couch beside him as he stood up to change the tape in the VCR and to grab some more popcorn from the adjoining kitchen. William whirled around before wasting no time to scramble into Langly's (who had been sitting next to Byers) lap.

The little boy grinned toothily at his long haired uncle before chanting off the Star Trek into to the best of his four year old abilities. "These are the why-yages of The Enterprise ", William said proudly, before holding up five chubby fingers to illustrate his next point. "It's five year missy-uhn to explore strange new worlds, to see new life...". That was when he trailed off, with a head scratch, forgetting what came next. He looked between the two remaining Gunmen (Langly and Frohike) for help.

Langly chuckled slightly, shaking his head but helped the kid on nonetheless. "And new civilisations, to boldly...".

William cheered, wiggling around on Langly's lap, remembering the rest because it was his favourite part. "To boldly go where no man has gone before", he shouted gleefully, bouncing up and down on his uncle's knee. "We did it, Uncle Langee!", he said, kneeling up and setting both of his chubby arms on either one of Langly's shoulders.

Frohike looked sideways between William and Langly (right next to the couch on a plush armchair) and chuckled at the matching fan-boy grins on their faces.

"Next one is all your choice, Kiddo", Frohike offered kindly, fully prepared to end up watching some kiddies cartoon even though he would grudgingly admit to thinking that Scooby Doo and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles weren't half bad.

William giggled, grinning at Frohike and heading over to the shelf under the TV set. William knelt down on the carpet, running a finger along the spines of all the VCR cases before stopping at the collection Disney movies that his Grandma Scully had gotten him for his birthday the previous and enthusiastically proceeded to pull out 'Alice in Wonderland', the colourful case held tightly in his pudgy little hand.

"Alice in Wonderland", William exclaimed holding up the thick case for his uncles inspection.

Frohike took the case from his nephew, turning it over to check the back. He smirked over at Langly and Byers (who had returned back into the room shortly after William and Langly had finished recounting the Star Wars intro).

"You know, guys", he said, addressing the two of his friends more so than William. "I read some pretty dope conspiracy theories about this book and movie. You know, the whole thing is about drugs", he said. "Crystal Meth, MDMA, Mushrooms, Marijuana, Opium, Speed, Cocaine, Nitros Oxide. The works really".

Byers frowned in amusement, hoping that William didn't pick up too much from the conversation. "Yeah, I heard something like that actually. They say that Lewis Carroll was actually on drugs when he wrote the book".

"And that's why you can only understand it the way it's supposed to be when you're high", Langly chipped in, also familiar with the tales surrounding the children's story.

William remained on the carpet, looking up at his uncles in curiosity with his legs crossed like a Buddha monk. "What's drugs, Uncle Hicky?", the little brown haired boy asked, his bright blue eyes widening at the prospect of learning new things, hungry for knowledge.

Frohike stared at the young boy, once again caught in the headlights by William's inquisitiveness for the second time in one evening. Why did it always have to be him that the kid asked? Why couldn't Langly and Byers get the brunt of it every so often.

"They're like sweets, kiddo", he said gruffly, trying to avoid using any words that could pop more questions into William's little head and get him (Frohike) into further trouble with Scully later in the evening when she and Mulder got home and found out that their kid had learned about recreational drug use. Even after thirteen years the little redheaded woman's fieriness scared the crap out of him.

"Like when you eat too much sweets and chocolate and you go all hyper", Frohike finished, to clarify his point.

William nodded in understanding, looking once again between his uncles and the now blank television screen. "Can we get high?", he asked sweetly with his blue eyes wide and hopeful at the thoughts of sweets, chocolate and soda. They were all things that his mummy only let him eat in moderation when he was good because it was bad for his teeth. She didn't know that he and his daddy often split big bars of chocolate on the way home from day-care in the evenings. (William wasn't going to tell that to The Gunmen though, that was his and his daddy's big-man-secret).

Langly chuckled at the look on the small boy's face and his definition of 'getting high'. "Sure, Kid. Where does your mom and dad keep the good stuff", he said, getting up to head towards the kitchen.

William giggled, quickly getting up from the floor to join Langly over in the kitchen area. "In the high shelf, up in the corner", he said pointing up as high as he could reach while standing on tiptoes. He knew that was where the sweets were kept for when he had been good or when his cousins were coming to stay over and play.

Langly grinned, finding it difficult to deny the kid anything. William really did have all three of the Gunmen wrapped around his little finger.

Langly grabbed the three packets of Reese's Peanut Buttercups, two large bars of Hershley's Cookies n' Cream, a box of Lucky Charms, four cans of Vanilla flavoured Coke and a big tub of Ben and Jerry's Phish Food. "What do you think. Satisfactory, kiddo?".

William cheered excitedly. "That looks great, Uncle Langee", he exclaimed, hurrying back to Frohike's lap to watch the movie and to enjoy the sweets that Langly was gathering up to bring over to the living room area.

Frohike ruffled William's hair as soon as the little boy crawled into his lap. "You need to pace yourself now, Kiddo. Don't go eating it all at once or else your Mom will have our heads, okay?".

William giggled, always finding it funny how Uncle Frohike was afraid of his mommy. "I promise, Uncle Hicky", he said with a little salute and a lopsided grin that made him look like a miniature version of Mulder.

"Alright then, Will", Frohike said, relenting.

Byers frowned, looking between Langly and Frohike, unconvinced. "I don't think this is a good idea guys. We weren't supposed to give him sugary foods after nine or else we won't be able to put him to bed".

Langly shrugged, sitting back down on the couch, seemingly convinced, he patted Byers on the back. "Don't worry man. Will here isn't a light weight. Right, buddy", he asked, nodding to the child.

William shook his head dramatically even though he wasn't sure what a lightweight even was. "No way, Uncle Langee".

Byers sighed relentingly. "Fine but if he doesn't go to sleep afterwards. I told you so".

William cheered, grinning widely between his uncles and the large pile of sweets. "Yaay. I'm gonna get high!".


End file.
